Jesus’ Dilemma

An Irish man with a crooked back walks into a coffee shop and sees Jesus sitting in the corner reading the paper. He tells the waitress, "Please send Jesus a cup of coffee, on me." So the waitress takes Jesus a cup of coffee.

Then an Arabic man with arthritis walks into the coffee shop […]

Three Men in a Bar

There were three men in a bar. All three were sitting at the bar stool and one got up to use the bathroom. The other two men started talking. One man said, "So what’s new in your life?"

The other responded, "Well I just found out my son got a promotion. He used to be […]

The Wedding Night

The wedding date was set and the groom’s three pals – a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire the bed – […]

Aussie Help Line

"G’day mate, Aussie Helpline… What’s the problem, cobber?"

"I’m in Darwin with my sheila, and she’s been stung on her pussy by a wasp, and now it has completely closed up."

"Bummer mate!"

"Thanks mate, I hadn’t thought of that, Bye."

[…]

Prime Minister Rudd

Prime Minister of Australia, Kevin Rudd decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Canberra nursing home.

The Prime Minister begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn’t seem to notice him.

Sensing this, Prime Minister Rudd backtracks to the resident and asks, […]

Randy the Rooster

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time." […]

A Man on a Beach

A little girl was walking along a beach in California when she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper covering his genitals. The little girl said, "What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?"

The man said, "Nothing, it’s just a bird, now go away!"

The man thought nothing […]

Surgeons

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing whom they like to operate on. The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order". The second surgeon said, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order". The third surgeon said, "I […]

The Father

There was a 80 year-old man that married a 21 year-old woman. A year later the woman had a baby and the doctor came out and told the old man that he was the father of a 9lb 8oz baby boy. The old man replied, "This old motor is still a’ running."

Next next year […]

A Very Successful Attorney

A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver’s door.

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident […]