Ron and Julie

Dear Editor,

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive and there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Julie. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Julie to get a full-time job, both for the extra income and the health benefits that needed, because I had ceased to be the main bread-winner. Shortly after she started working, I noticed that she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home in the evening from the golf course at about the same time that she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don’t yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the club, so eating out at night is not reasonable. I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her a couple of times each evening that they won’t clean themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed. I really think my experience as a teacher helps a lot. I feel that telling people what they ought to do is one of my motivational strong points…

And speaking of bed, her age really shows up there. I go out and play golf all day, come in dead tired and, after a two-hour nap and a good meal, I’m ready, if you know what I mean. Age has made her so bad that she actually dozes off during lovemaking. But that’s okay, I’m not complaining. Her satisfaction in that area is so important to a sensitive guy like me and, if she enjoys sleeping during our little trysts, what the heck… Now that she is older, she does seem to get tired so much more quickly. >Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says that she just can’t make another trip down those steps. I don’t make a big issue of this; as long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening, I’m willing to overlook it.
Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting, or to Wednesday’s and Saturday’s poker club, or to Tuesday’s and Thursday’s bowling, I tell her kindly to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends, like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting.

If I have had a really good day on the golf course and it has been wet and muddy, my clubs are often in a mess, so I let her clean them. You know…..get the grit off the grips and apply a little light Brillo on the club faces at a casual pace. My golf bag is very heavy, so I lift it out of the trunk of the car for her. Women are delicate, have weak wrists and can’t lift heavy stuff as well as men. But I tell her that I don’t like to be wakened during my after-golf nap so, rather than bother me, she can put them back in the boot when she’s finished. I think that another symptom of ageing is complaining. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But boys, we take them "for better or worse", so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won’t have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is another of my strong points. When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. Last Sunday, she had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the lawns. I tried not to make a scene. I’m a fair man. I told her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she was making one for herself, she might as well make one for me too and then take her break by my hammock. That way, she could talk with me until I fell asleep.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way that I support Julie.
I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult.

Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your ageing wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Yours, Ron

EDITOR’S NOTE: Ron died suddenly on Thursday, February 6. He was found with a Galloway extra-long, 50-inch Big Bertha Driver rammed up his posterior with only 2 inches of grip showing. His wife Julie was arrested, but the all-woman Grand Jury accepted her defence that he accidentally sat on it.
She was released without charge on Friday, February 7.

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