Calling In Sick

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable.

No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I’m lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating.

I simply mentioned that I had sustained a […]

The Story of Adam and Eve’s Pets

Adam and Eve said, ‘Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more.

We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.   And God said, I will create a companion for you that will […]

Rudy the Cat and the Garbage Disposal Unit

This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up front that he’s fine. Getting him out wasn’t easy, though, and the process included […]

The Australian Salesman

A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"

The young man answered "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo."

The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.

His first day on the job was […]

How to Give a Cat a Pill

Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth […]

QANTAS Gripe Sheet

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The engineers read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, […]

Cinderella at 75

Cinderella is now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you […]

The Stuttering Cat

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.

Johnny’s hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.

"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.

"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with […]

Three Labradors

Three Labrador retrievers – one brown, one yellow and one black – were sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s office when they struck up a conversation. The black lab turned to the brown and said, "So why are you here?"

The brown lab replied, "I’m a pisser. I piss on everything – the […]

The Hole

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a sizeable hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, the neighbour politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johnny?"

"My goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up, "and I’ve just buried him."

The neighbour was […]