Christmas

We had grandma for Christmas dinner ? Really, we had turkey !

Whats happens if you eat the Christmas decorations ? You get tinsel-itus !

What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake Tarzipan !

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ? No you can have turkey like everyone […]

A Crusty Old Marine Sargeant Major

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major and asked, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man".

"Is something bothering you?" […]

Big-People Words

A group of children were trying very hard to become accustomed to Nursery school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! You need to use ‘Big People’ words, she was always reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend? ‘I went to visit my […]

Paddy Murphy’s Last Poker Night

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing until Michael O’Connor looks around and asks, "OK, me lads, someone has to tell Paddy’s wife. Who […]

Indian Headdresses

While touring an Indian reservation filming a documentary, Barbara Walters was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses.

So, she asked a brave who only had one feather in his headdress and his reply was: "Only have one woman. One woman, one feather."

Feeling the first fellow […]

The Australian Olympic Swim Team

A young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village. Once she’s inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement. 

After about twenty minutes of […]

The Transatlantic Flight

In a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. " I’m too young to die!" she wails. Then she […]

Chinese Torture

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he’s hopelessly lost. It’s been nearly three weeks since he’s eaten anything besides what he could forage and he’s been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it […]

The Dry Cleaning

Two guys are sitting at a bar. After a bunch of drinks over several hours, one guy hiccups, drops his head down to his chest, pushes himself away from the bar, and proceeds to hurl all over himself. Wiping his mouth off on his shirt sleeve, he says, "Man, I gotta go home. I’m already […]

The Chilli Cookoff

Just recently I was honoured to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my community to be a judge at a Chilli cookoff because no one else wanted to do it. Also, the original person called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking […]