The Bedouin and the Ventriloquist

An American ventriloquist visiting Saudi Arabia walks Into a small village and sees a Bedouin (villager) sitting outside his tent patting his sheep dog. 

He figures he’ll have a little fun, so he says to the Saudi  ‘Salaam, mind if I talk to your dog?’ 

Bedouin: ‘The dog doesn’t talk, you stupid […]

The Fundamentalist Christian Dog

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specialising in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to […]

Aussie Bush Etiquette

I know that Aussie Bush Etiquette is recognised throughout the civilised world but we all need to be reminded from time to time. This may be of especial interest to my many dedicated UK readers, who will no doubt be greatly reassured by the knowledge that we are maintaining social etiquette out here in the […]

Reggie, Tank and the Two Elderly Ladies

They told me the big black Lab’s name was Reggie, as I looked at him lying in his pen. The shelter was clean, no-kill, and the people really friendly. I’d only been in the area for six months, but everywhere I went in the small college town, people were welcoming and open. Everyone waves when […]

Yet Another Diagnostic Computer

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There’s a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and […]

101 Ways to Really Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…"

5. If you have a glass eye, […]

The Worst Day of My Life

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha’ gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn’t think you’d […]

She’s Single…

She’s single…

She lives right across the street.

I can see her house from my family room.   I watched as she got home from work this evening.

I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway.

She knocked on my door…

I rushed to open it.   She looks at […]

Christmas

We had grandma for Christmas dinner ? Really, we had turkey !

Whats happens if you eat the Christmas decorations ? You get tinsel-itus !

What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake Tarzipan !

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ? No you can have turkey like everyone […]

Teacher

TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ____________________________________   TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to […]