The Father

There was a 80 year-old man that married a 21 year-old woman. A year later the woman had a baby and the doctor came out and told the old man that he was the father of a 9lb 8oz baby boy. The old man replied, "This old motor is still a’ running."

Next next year […]

Teacher

TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ____________________________________   TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to […]

From the Mouths of Children…

1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm Summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!"

[…]

A Polite Way to Call Someone a Bastard

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first few holes.  The second guy said, "We’re about evenly matched, how about […]

Father and Young Son

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.

He gives the young boy three penny coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face.

The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs […]

Joe and the Dishes

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn’t have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a ‘for sale’ sign on it.   The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.   He immediately buys it, […]

The Motorcyclist

One bitterly cold winter’s day, a policeman on patrol came across a motorcyclist who was swathed in protective clothing and helmet, stalled by the side of the road.

"What’s the matter?", asked the policeman.

"Carburettor’s frozen", came the terse reply.

"Piss on it. That’ll thaw it out".

"I can’t".

"OK. Watch and I’ll show […]

The Daughter’s Vibrator

As a woman passed her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: ‘what in the world are you doing?’

The daughter replied: ‘mom, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close […]

Little Matt and the Bike

For his birthday, Little Matt asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $300,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw Little Matt heading out the front door with […]

Beer Facts

It was the accepted practice in Babylonia 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the "honey month" – or what we know […]