Three Blondes in Heaven

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter […]

The UPS Man

One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighbourhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.  His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

"Wow Bob, looks like […]

George Bush in Hell

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously, he goes to Hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.

‘I’m not sure what to do,’ says the Devil. ‘you’re on my list, but I have no room for you. But since you definitely have to stay here, I am going to have to […]

The Wal-Mart Greeter

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they […]

Murphy at Mass

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him.

Murphy had never been seen in church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, "Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass. What made you come?"

Murphy said, […]

My Wife Left Me

My wife left me. I don’t understand why. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had to give up drinking beer.

I was not a big drinker maybe a 12 pack on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day […]

English is a Crazy Language

Let’s face it — English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore […]

The Business Man and the Cab

A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino […]

Little Golden Books That Didn’t Make It

You Are Different And That’s Bad The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables Dad’s New Wife Robert Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence All Cats Go To Hell The Little Sissy Who Snitched Some Kittens Can Fly That’s It, I’m Putting You Up […]

The Diagnostic Computer

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."  "Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There’s a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and […]