The Lady and the Parrot

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ”Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!"

The lady was furious and continued on her way. On the way home, she passed by the petstore again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!"

She was incredibly ticked now, so […]

The Biker and the Lady

A biker stops by the Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer […]

A Little Old Lady’s Groceries

A little old lady went to a grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up three cans and took them to the checkout counter. The girl at the cash register said

"I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat […]

The Deaf Dog

My neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian.

He found the problem was hair in its ears and cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from re-occurring she should go to the store and […]

A Lady Walks in to a BMW Dealership

A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person […]

The Little Old Lady

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: "Ddddooo youuuu hhhave ddddildosss?"

[…]

Vacation at a Nude Beach

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says…"Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says…"the […]

The Avon Lady

An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer. Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator. He began to sniff. The Avon lady asked, "Do you smell something?" "Why, yes, I do," he replied. "What […]

The Short Lady

A VERY short lady goes to her doctor’s office complaining of an irritated crotch. After an examination the doctor sighs, "I don’t seem to see any problem. Does it get better or worse at any time?"

"Yeah, its really bad whenever it rains." she replies.

"Well, then," says the Doc, "Next time it rains, get […]

The Razor

A lady swallowed a super Gillette razor blade and her doctor discovered that not only had she given herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy and a hysterectomy, but she also had castrated her husband, & circumcised her lover, taken two fingers off a casual acquaintance, given a vicar a hair lip — and there were still […]