Jet Black

Walt Disney’s new film called "Jet Black", the non-racist version of "Snow White", has been put on hold…

All seven dwarfs : Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Hijacker, Liar, Cheater, & User have refused to sing "Hi Ho", and they say they definitely have NO intention of singing " It’s off to work we go…"

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Little Johnny at Camp

One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".

His teacher replies "NO"

Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".

"OK then, just for tonight" the […]

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know, but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make.

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Big-People Words

A group of children were trying very hard to become accustomed to Nursery school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! You need to use ‘Big People’ words, she was always reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend? ‘I went to visit my […]

Will You Marry Me?

Once upon a time, a guy asked a beautiful girl ‘Will you marry me?’  The girl said, ‘NO!’  And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting, snowboarding, kayaking and played golf a lot and drank beer and wine and went to stripper bars a lot and had tons […]

A Drink Of Water

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:

"Da-ad…"

"What?"

"I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

"Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad…"

"WHAT?"

"I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have […]

3 Brazilian Soldiers Killed

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That’s terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks, "Tell me, […]

“Will You Marry Me?”

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?".

The girl said, "NO!".

And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.

A New Zealander in Amsterdam

Dave, a young New Zealand tourist on his first visit to Amsterdam, locates the red light district and enters a large brothel. The Madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on […]

How Many Women with PMS Does it Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?

One.

ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?

Because no-one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb, that’s why.

They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS! Before they figured it OUT!. And once they […]