Aussie Help Line

"G’day mate, Aussie Helpline… What’s the problem, cobber?"

"I’m in Darwin with my sheila, and she’s been stung on her pussy by a wasp, and now it has completely closed up."

"Bummer mate!"

"Thanks mate, I hadn’t thought of that, Bye."

[…]

Debbie Jones

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.

The doctor says "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?"

The mother says, "It’s my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings. She’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."

The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and […]

Bill Clinton and the Pope

Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, but a mixup in the afterlife paperwork sends them to the wrong places: the Pope goes to hell and Bill goes to heaven. After a couple of days they fix this problem and the Pope gets on the escalator to go to heaven and Bill […]

Crows

Who said that crows were smart.

I heard that they found about 200 dead crows near Halifax , and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

They had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to […]

Close Shave

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

[…]

Where did “Piss Poor” come from?

This is mostly bunkum but it makes for a good read. _________________________________________

Where did "piss poor" come from?

If you’re young and hip, this is still interesting.

Us older people need to learn something new every day…

Just to keep the grey matter tuned up.

Where did "Piss Poor" come from? Interesting history.

[…]

Jack Visits the Doctor

Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I’m having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?"

After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you except if […]

Young New Doctor

A woman went to the doctor’s office where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about four minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out screaming and ran down the hallway. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. She told him her […]

Profane Parrot

An elderly woman bought a parrot. The woman asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays. The owner said it shouldn’t be a problem, that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there. She bought the parrot, and the next week she put him […]

The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss’s car.

3. Any Man who brings a […]