God Creating Women

While creating women, God made a promise to men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.

And then He smiled and made the earth round.

New Year’s Resolutions you can Keep

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.

2. Stop exercising. Waste […]

A Very Pretty Young Speech Therapist

A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her Stammerers Action group. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success. Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said ‘If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate […]

The Wise Old Gentleman

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash […]

The Newlyweds

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I’ll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.

"I’m […]

The Password

Many years ago I was acting as the system administrator for a test system in a large publicly held company. Periodically I would receive a call from someone who had not accessed the system recently, forgot their password and locked themselves out trying to logon. I would look up their password and unlock the system […]

A Virgin After Twelve Marriages

A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin." This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought […]

The Cuckoo Clock

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight… promise! Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk and pissed as a tick, I headed for home. […]

Chinese Torture

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he’s hopelessly lost. It’s been nearly three weeks since he’s eaten anything besides what he could forage and he’s been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it […]

Men and Women

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savour, massage, make plans, fix, empathise, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalise, bathe, humour, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorise, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, […]