The Shortest Essay

This is a story of a 16 year-old boy from Tamworth who won the World’s Shortest Essay competition.

He was awarded a scholarship at the University of Sydney for his imagination and humour…

Here it is…

Shortest Essay:

An English university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing the following elements:

[…]

To the Citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)   Her […]

President Obama in London

As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to […]

The Flight Attendant

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and said….

‘Captain Harvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary […]

Dave Barry’s Colonoscopy Experience

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.  A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .  Then […]

To the Citizens of the United States of America

To the citizens of the United States of America…

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and […]

George Bush and the Queen

George Bush is visiting the Queen Elizabeth of England.

He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Bush frowns. "But how do I know the […]

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they’ll be admitted to heaven.

Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide which of them gets in.

St. Peter asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why […]

Michael the Dragon Master

Michael the Dragon Master was an official in King Arthur’s court. He had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen’s voluptuous breasts.

But he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, who was the King’s chief physician.

Horatio said, "I can arrange […]