Big-People Words

A group of children were trying very hard to become accustomed to Nursery school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! You need to use ‘Big People’ words, she was always reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend? ‘I went to visit my […]

His Wife’s Birthday

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his  wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

‘I’d like to be six again’, she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning […]

Holiday Inn

Recently I was checking my Superannuation account and thinking about retirement, as everyone does when they hit 45. I saw an article about nursing and retirement homes and the expenses. Then it hit me. No nursing home for me!

Here is my plan: I’m checking into the Holiday Inn.

With the average cost for […]

Being Eight Again

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday.

"I’d love to be eight again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, got up and made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops and then took her off to the local theme park.

What a day! […]

Grandma and Grandpa

A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following:

"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a […]

Condom Sponsors

Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly.

 Nike Condoms: Just do it  Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling  Ford Condoms: The ride of your life  Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today?  Optus Condoms: Yes! […]

Joe and the Blind Date

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed" she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and they won a prize.

Next the couple went on the […]

The Difference Between Engineers and Accountants

Three engineers and three accountants were travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant. "Watch and you’ll see", answered an engineer. They all boarded […]

The Business Man and the Cab

A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino […]

World Domination

World domination is everyone’s dream. It’s not a bad job really. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Villain I’ve read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I’ve noticed that no matter whether they […]