God’s First Name

This guy dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter is standing at the gate. He says, "If you can answer these three questions I will let you in to heaven. First, how many seconds are in a year? Second, how many days of the week have a ‘T’ in them? Third, […]

Three Blondes in Heaven

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter […]

Getting into Heaven

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so only the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.

The first man in line started telling his story, "Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my […]

Microsoft and the Catholic Church

VATICAN CITY (AP) — In a joint press conference in St. Peter’s Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time […]

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they’ll be admitted to heaven.

Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide which of them gets in.

St. Peter asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why […]

Tom as a Hen

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?…and who are you?" he asked.

"This is […]

In the Beginning

In the beginning, the plan for a divine human design was painstakingly implemented.  "The nerve endings," said St. Peter, "how many will I put in her hands?"  "How many did we put in Adam?" asked God.  "Two hundred, O Mighty One."  "Then we shall do the same for the woman."  "How many nerve endings should […]