The Shortest Essay

This is a story of a 16 year-old boy from Tamworth who won the World’s Shortest Essay competition.

He was awarded a scholarship at the University of Sydney for his imagination and humour…

Here it is…

Shortest Essay:

An English university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing the following elements:


The Stowaway

A young blonde woman in Sydney was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing  herself from the Harbour Bridge .

She went down to the bridge and was about to leap into the frigid  water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the  Bridge crying.

He […]

Two Kiwi Beggars in Australia

Bruce and Trevor are 2 Kiwi beggars. They beg in different areas of Bondi, Sydney.

Bruce begs just as long as Trevor but only collects $2 to $3 every day.

Trevor brings home a suitcase full of $10 notes, drives a Mercedes,

Lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.


A Box of Fresh Crabs

A man boarded an airplane in Sydney, Australia with a box of fresh crabs. A female crew member took it from him and promised to secrete it in the crew’s own refrigerator, which she did for the duration of the long trip.

Shortly before landing, she couldn’t remember who gave her the package, so she […]

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman on Pubs

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney, Australia. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional. "But" said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. Why in Glasgow there’s a little bar called McTavish’s. Now the landlord there goes out of his way […]

Ode to Australians

WE, the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. […]

The Old Woman

An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish Sydney City Building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. The old woman sniffs the air. the young woman turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!"

Then another […]