George and Oprah

George Burns was on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and bragged that despite his 97 years, he could still have sex three times a night.

After the show, Oprah said, "George, if I’m not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with an older man. Let’s go back to my place."

So they go back […]

Next Time You’re in a Car

Next time you are in a car with a friend, and you pull up to a red light, look at the guy in the car next to you. Roll down your window really fast (like you want to talk to him), and when the guy rolls HIS window down, look at him and yell:

"Oh, […]

The Gynaecologist

It’s her first time at the gynaecologist. She’s up in the stirrups, and she’s scared to death. The gynaecologist says, "You’re nervous, aren’t you?"

She says, "Yes. It’s my first time at the gynaecologist."

He says, "Would you like me to numb you down there?"

She says, "Please."

He sticks his nose between her legs […]

Men and Women

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savour, massage, make plans, fix, empathise, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalise, bathe, humour, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorise, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, […]

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess,

"I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move […]