Debbie Jones

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.

The doctor says "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?"

The mother says, "It’s my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings. She’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."

The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and […]

Calling In Sick

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable.

No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I’m lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating.

I simply mentioned that I had sustained a […]

New Year’s Resolutions you can Keep

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.

2. Stop exercising. Waste […]

The Science of Santa

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT […]

Her Yearly Physical

A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.

The nurse starts with certain basic items.

"How much do you weigh?" she asks.

"115," she says.

The nurse puts her on the scale.

It turns out her weight is 140.

The nurse asks, "Your height?"

"5 foot 8," she says.

The nurse checks and […]

A Woman and a Baby

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examination room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The doctor entered, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed", she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the […]

Greg and the Ant

Greg watched an ant climb a blade of grass this morning…

When he reached the top, his weight bent the blade down to the ground.

Then, twisting his thorax with insectile precision, he grabbed hold of the next blade.

In this manner, he travelled across the lawn, covering as much distance vertically as […]

Everything You Wanted to Know About Flatulence But Were Afraid to Ask

What makes flatulence stink?

The odour of flatulence comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulphide gas and mercaptans in the mixture. These compounds contain sulphur. Nitrogen-rich compounds such as skatole and indole also add to the stench of flatulence. The more sulphur-rich your diet, the more sulphides and mercaptans will be produced by the […]

Rules for Men

I’m not usually taken by these lists, but this one is an exception…

Men

Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat" Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. When you are queried by […]

Joe and the Blind Date

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed" she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and they won a prize.

Next the couple went on the […]