The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: American Indian

  • Nymphomaniac

    A man boarded an aircraft at London Heathrow Airport ‘s Terminal 5 for New York , and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
    He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo – she took the seat right beside him.
     
    ‘Hello’, he blurted out, ‘Business trip or vacation?’

    She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, ‘Business. I’m going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States .’

    He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

    Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, ‘What’s your business role at this convention?’
    ‘Lecturer,’ she responded. ‘I use my experience to debunk some of the popular 20 myths about sexuality.’

    ‘Really’, he smiled, ‘what myths are those?’

    ‘Well,’ she explained, ‘one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it’s the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.’
     
    Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said ‘I really shouldn’t be discussing this with you, I don’t even know your name!’
     
    ‘Tonto,’ the man said. ‘Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.

  • 1-2-3-4

    A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually.

    He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things; but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.

    The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

    Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say ‘123,’ and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

    The guy then asks, "What happens when it’s over, and I don’t want to continue?"

    The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned: It will not work again for another year."

    The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess.

    That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After he gets into bed and is lying next to her, he says, "123;" and suddenly he has the most gigantic erection ever, just as the medicine man had promised.

    His wife, who had been facing away from him, turns over and asks, "What did you say ‘123’ for?

  • Business Trip or Vacation?

    A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she’s heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or vacation?".
    She turns, smiles and says, "Business. I’m going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago." He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him and she’s going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What’s your business role at this convention?".
    "Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
    "Really," he says, swallowing hard," what myths are those?"
    "Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it’s the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the man of Jewish descent. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Red Neck." Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. "I’m sorry," she says, "I shouldn’t be discussing this with you. I don’t even know your name!" 
    "Tonto!", the man says, "Tonto Goldstein!…but my friends call me ‘Bubba’".

  • On a Plane

    A man boards an airplane, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realises she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?"

    She turns and smiles, and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention, in Chicago."

    He swallows hard, and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here’s the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him, and she’s going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what’s your role at this convention?"

    She flips her hair back, turns to him, locks onto his eyes and says, "Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

    "Really" he says, swallowing hard. "And what myths are those?"

    She explains, "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who romance women best, on average."

    "Very interesting," the man responds.

    Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. "I’m sorry," she says, "I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don’t even know your name."

    The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto… Tonto Goldstein."