The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: Beach

  • A Man on a Beach

    A little girl was walking along a beach in California when she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper covering his genitals. The little girl said, "What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?"

    The man said, "Nothing, it’s just a bird, now go away!"

    The man thought nothing of her and quickly fell asleep.Hours later, the man woke up in a hospital bed in excruciating pain."

    Where the hell am I?"

    A doctor replied, "Someone called 9-1-1 and said you needed emergency help, so we rushed you right over."

    "Well, what the hell happened to me?"

    "We don’t know, son.

    Do you remember anything unusual happening to you today?"

    The man said, "Well, there was a little girl bugging me just before I fell asleep."

    The doctor sent someone to the beach to see if the little girl was still there, and she was.

    The person said, "Do you know what happened to that nice man you saw here earlier?"

    "Well," the little girl said, "I started to play with that nice little bird that he had and the damn thing spit on me.

    So, I wrung its neck,broke its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"

  • A Man on a Beach

    A man was sitting on a beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"

    The man said "No", so she gave him a hug and walked on.

    The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?"

    The man said "No", so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

    The third woman came to him and said "Have you ever been fucked?"

    The fellow said "No".

    She said, "You will be when the tide comes in.

  • One Wish

    A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach wearing just a pair of cut-off jeans. Sure enough he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish. The guy pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World.

    The Genie pales, and says "Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, the very fibre of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen."

    "OK," the dude says, "tomorrow morning have my wife awaken me, with the best blow job I’ve ever had, on her own, without my begging and pleading. Because SHE LIKES IT, because SHE WANTS TO, because IT TURNS HER ON!!"

    The Genie thinks for a moment and says, "Let me see that map again"

  • Vacation at a Nude Beach

    Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says…"Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says…"the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says…"Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than daddy’s!" The mom says…"the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says…"Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

  • The Jamaican

    A few days before Jack married Wendy, he had her name tattooed on his penis to show her how much he loved her. When erect, the name was fully visible; when deflated, it read Wy. 

    After the ceremony, they went to Jamaica on their honeymoon. Wendy was delighted with Jack’s "special emblem of devotion." Their hotel had two beaches, one traditional and one nudist. After two days of the traditional beach, Wendy suggested visiting the clothing-optional beach. 

    As Wendy lay on her towel in the hot sun, she asked Jack if he’d bring her a cold drink. He walked across the sand to the little hut and asked the bartender, who was also naked, for two pina coladas. Jack tried not to stare, but he noticed that the bartender also had "Wy" tattooed on his penis. 

    "Hey," Jack said and smiled, "what a coincidence. Your girlfriend must also be named Wendy." 

    "Oh no, mon," the bartender said and laughed. "Mine say ‘WELCOME TO JAMAICA. ENJOY YOUR STAY.’"