The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: Biker

  • The Worst Day of My Life

    There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

    "Well, whatcha’ gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

    "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying."

    "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I’m a complete failure.  I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me…"

    "…So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing!… But enough about me, how’s your day going?"

  • The Tough Looking Biker

    A tough looking biker had been in the biker bar for quite some time when he finally decided it was time, once again to hit the road. He stepped through the front door of the bar and instantly realized that his bike had vanished from the spot he had parked it.

    "All right" he said loudly, coming back into the busy biker bar "I’m going to have a shot of whisky and if my hog isn’t back up front by the time I’m done, what happened in Detroit will happen here too!"

    With that many of the bikers ran out of the bar and within moments one came back to tell the tough biker that his hog was now parked in front of the bar for him. When the tough guy started to leave the bartender asked him.

    "Pardon me, stranger, but what happened in Detroit?"

    The tough biker replied casually: "I had to walk back to my hotel!"

  • The Biker and the Lady

    A biker stops by the Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

    On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem: How to carry his entire purchases home. The owner said, "Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the biker said, and out the door he went.

    But in the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

    The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time."

    The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"

    The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

    The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens."