The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: Businessman

  • Suzuki, the Son of a Japanese Businessman

    It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?"

    She saw a sea of blank faces, except for young Suzuki; "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said.

    "Very good! Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’?"

    Again, no response except from Suzuki: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Suzuki.

    The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Japs."

    "Who said that?" she demanded.

    Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982."

    At that point, a student in the back said, "I’m gonna puke."

    The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"

    Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

    Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

    Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

    Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you."

    Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."

    The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we’re in BIG trouble now!"

    Suzuki said, "Arthur Andersen, 2001."

  • The Business Man and the Cab

    A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me oral sex on the way?" "What?!!! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "fifteen bucks." The businessman said, "OK" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.