The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: CIA

  • Torture at Guantanamo Bay

    Today the CIA admitted it was responsible for the recent accusations of torture at Guantanamo Bay.

    Billy Bob Johnson, the chief station manager at the Guantanamo Bay prison said that the United States of America had to hold its hands up and admit that it had allowed its CIA operatives to feed the prisoners nothing but McDonalds and Kentucky Fried Chicken meals whilst forcing them to listen to Christian Rock Music for up to 20 hour periods at a time without any break.

    The CIA apologised for the allegations and promised to review its policy of using fast food and Christian Rock Music as a method of torture.

  • Weapons of Mass Destruction @ Google

    Something a little different…

    1) Go to Google.com. < http://www.google.com>
    2) Type in "weapons of mass destruction," DON’T hit the enter button.
    3) Hit the "I’m feeling lucky" button instead of the normal Google "search" button (this is below the search line)
    4) THE "ERROR MESSAGE" APPEARS. READ THE ERROR MESSAGE CAREFULLY. Make sure you read the whole error message.

    This link may go away, but it used to look like this, in perfect Windows Error format…

    ——————————————————————————–

    These Weapons of Mass Destruction cannot be displayed The weapons you are looking for are currently unavailable. The country might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your weapons inspectors mandate.

    ——————————————————————————–

    Please try the following:

    Click the Regime change button, or try again later.

    If you are George Bush and typed the country’s name in the address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly. (IRAQ).

    To check your weapons inspector settings, click the UN menu, and then click Weapons Inspector Options. On the Security Council tab, click Consensus. The settings should match those provided by your government or NATO.
    If the Security Council has enabled it, The United States of America can examine your country and automatically discover Weapons of Mass Destruction.
    If you would like to use the CIA to try and discover them, click Detect weapons Some countries require 128 thousand troops to liberate them. Click the Panic menu and then click About US foreign policy to determine what regime they will install.
    If you are an Old European Country trying to protect your interests, make sure your options are left wide open as long as possible. Click the Tools menu, and then click on League of Nations. On the Advanced tab, scroll to the Head in the Sand section and check settings for your exports to Iraq.
    Click the Bomb button if you are Donald Rumsfeld.

    Cannot find weapons or CIA Error
    Iraqi Explorer
    Bush went to Iraq to look for Weapons of Mass Destruction and all he found was this lousy T-shirt.

  • Saddam’s Coded Message

    After hearing numerous news reports saying "We don’t even know if Saddam is still alive", Saddam decided to send George W a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he is still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:

    370HSSV-0773H.

    Bush was baffled, so he typed it out and emailed it to Colin Powell. Powell and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and the Secret Service. Eventually they asked MI6 for help. They cabled the White House:


    "Tell the president he is looking at the message upside down…"