The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: Condolezza Rice

  • Roswell

    Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

    This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and the federal government.

    However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfield, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Condolezza Rice, and Dan Quayle were all born.

    See what happens when aliens breed with sheep. This piece of info may clarify a lot of things.

  • The New Leader of China

    We take you now to the Oval Office where President Bush is meeting with National Security Advisor Condolezza Rice:

    George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?

    Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

    George: Great. Lay it on me.

    Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

    George: That’s what I want to know.

    Condi: That’s what I am telling you.

    George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

    Condi: Yes.

    George: I mean the fellow’s name.

    Condi: Hu.

    George: The guy in China.

    Condi: Hu.

    George: The new leader of China.

    Condi: Hu.

    George: The Chinaman!

    Condi: Hu is leading China.

    George: Now whaddya asking me for?

    Condi: I’m not asking, I’m telling you Hu is leading China.

    George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?

    Condi: That’s the man’s name, sir.

    George: That’s who’s name?

    Condi: Yes.

    George: Will you or will you not tell me the new leader of China?

    Condi: Yes, sir.

    George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

    Condi: That’s correct.

    George: Then who is in China?

    Condi: Yes, sir.

    George: Yassir is in China?

    Condi: No, sir.

    George: Then who is?

    Condi: Yes, sir.

    George: Yassir?

    Condi: No, sir.

    George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

    Condi: Kofi?

    George: No, thanks.

    Condi: You want Kofi?

    George: No.

    Condi: You don’t want Kofi?

    George: No, But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

    Condi: Yes, sir.

    George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

    Condi: Kofi?

    George: Milk! Will you please make the call.

    Condi: And call who?

    George: Who is the guy at the U.N.?

    Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

    George: Will you stay out of China?!

    Condi: Yes, sir.

    George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

    Condi: Kofi.

    George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

    (Condi picks up the phone) Rice, here.

    George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?