The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: Custer

  • The Eccentric Billionaire

    An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, ‘I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer’s mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed.’

    Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this there were hundreds of Indians in various stages and different positions of making love. Furious he called the artist in.

    ‘What the hell is this?’ screamed the billionaire.

    ‘Why that’s exactly what you asked for,’ said the artist smugly.

    ‘No! I didn’t ask for a mural of porn ographic filth, I asked for a mural of the interpretation of Custer’s last thoughts!’

    ‘And there you have it,’ said the artist, ‘I call it, ‘Holy cow look at all those fucking Indians!”

  • When the “F” Word was Acceptable

    Ten times when using the "f" word was probably acceptable —

    10. "What the @#$% was that?"- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

    9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" – Custer, 1877

    8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." – Einstein, 1938

    7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" – Picasso, 1926

    6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" – Pythagoras, 126 BC

    5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" – Michelangelo, 1566

    4. "Where the @#$% are we?" – Amelia Earhart, 1937

    3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my arse!" – Noah, 4314 BC

    2. "Aw c’mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?" – Bill Clinton, 1999

    AND

    1. "Geez, I didn’t think they’d get this @%#*^ing mad." – Osama bin Laden, 2001

  • Custer’s Last Stand

    An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer’s mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed."

    Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions.

    Furious, he called the artist in. "What the hell is this?" screamed the billionaire.

    "Why that’s exactly what you asked for," said the artist smugly.

    "No! I didn’t ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer’s last thoughts!"

    "And there you have it," said the artist. "I call it, ‘Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians.’"