The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: DAYS

  • How Many Women with PMS Does it Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?

    One.

    ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?

    Because no-one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb, that’s why.

    They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS! Before they figured it OUT!. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.

    But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!!!AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS……..

  • Three Daughters

    A mother had three daughters and on their wedding she asked each one of them to write home and tell her about their married life.

    The first wrote back on the second day. The letter arrived with a single message, "Maxwell Coffee". The Mother is confused but finally noticed a Maxwell coffee ad, and it said; "Satisfaction to the last drop…". So, Mother was happy.

    Then the second daughter got married and after a week she sent home her reply. The message read; "Rothmans". So the Mother looks for the Rothmans ad, and it says; "LIFE SIZE, KING SIZE". And Mother is happy.

    Then it was the third one’s wedding. Mother was anxious. It took 4 weeks for a message to come through. When it did the message was simply "Swissair". Mother was so concerned. She frantically went through all the newspapers at home looking for a SR ad.

    She found one and fainted.

    The ad read: "TWO TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS…"