The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: Desert Storm

  • A Story With a Moral

    The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end. Next day in school, the kids, each in turn, began to tell their stories.

    ‘Janie, do you have a story to share?’

    ‘Yes ma’am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.’

    ‘Good Heavens,’ said the horrified teacher. ‘What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?’
     
    ‘Stay away from Mommy when she’s been drinking.’

  • Give Me a Story with a Moral

    A teacher gave her fifth-grade class an assignment: have their parents tell them a story with a moral. The next day the kids came to class, and one by one, told their stories. Kathy raised her hand first and said, "We live on a farm and we have hens that lay eggs for market. Once we were taking a basket of eggs to market on the front seat of the pick-up and we hit a big bump in the road. The eggs went flying and broke all over everything." 

    "And what is the moral to that story?" 

    "Don’t put all your eggs in one basket." 

    "Very good!" said the teacher. Then little Lucy raised her hand and said, "We live on a farm, too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs once but when they hatched, we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to that story is, don’t count your chickens before they are hatched." 

    "That was a fine example, Lucy. Johnny, I believe you had your hand up next." 

    "Yes Ma’am. My Daddy told me my Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break, and then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete before the blade broke off. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." 

    "Good heavens!" said the horrified teacher. "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to that terrible story?" 

    "Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she’s been drinking."