The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: Dublin

  • Patrick

    Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn.  When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.
     
    The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it … your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."
     
    Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin .  When we all left home, we promised dat we’d drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder."
     
    The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.
     
    Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way … ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished.  One day, he comes in and orders just two pints.   All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.
     
    When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don’t want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
     
    Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, "Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine!  Tis me …. I’ve given up drinking for Lent.

  • A Cowboy Walks Into a Bar…

    A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of Bud and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

    The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin, and I’m in Texas. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we drank together.
    So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself."

    The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

    One day, he comes in and orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

    The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody’s just fine," he explains, "It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church in Sweetwater and I had to quit drinking… hasn’t affected my brothers though."

  • An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman on Pubs

    An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney, Australia. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional.
    "But" said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. Why in Glasgow there’s a little bar called McTavish’s. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you."
    "Well" said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first two."
    "Ahhh, that’s nothin’" said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there’s Ryan’s Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you’ve had enough drinks they’ll take you upstairs and see that you get laid – all on the house!"
    The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the Irishman’s claims. He swears every word is true.
    "Well" asked the Englishman, "Did this actually happen to you?"
    "Not myself, personally, no…" said the Irishman. "But it did happen to my sister."