The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: HIS

  • Their Diaries

    HER DIARY
    Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.
    We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink.
    I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
    Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.
    He agreed, but he didn’t say much.
    I asked him what was wrong; he said, ‘Nothing.’
    I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
    He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
    On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
    He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
    I can’t explain his behaviour. I don’t know why but he didn’t say, "I love you, too."
    When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
    He just sat there quietly and watched TV.
    He continued to seem distant and absent.
    Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.
    About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
    To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love.
    But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.
    He fell asleep – I cried.
    I don’t know what to do.
    I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
    My life is a disaster.

    HIS DIARY
    Harley wouldn’t start today… I can’t figure it out, but at least I got laid

  • The Captain and the Coffee Making Seaman

    The commanding officer of a ship in the U. S. Navy was about to start the morning briefing to the wardroom. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the Captain decided to pose a question to all assembled.  He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of love-making was ‘work’ and how much of it was ‘pleasure?’

    The executive officer chimed in with 75-25% in favour of work. A lieutenant said it was 50-50%. The operations officer responded with 25-75% in favour of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the time.

    There being no consensus, the Captain turned to the Seaman who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion? Without any hesitation, the young Seaman responded, ‘Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.’

    The Captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked ‘Why?’

    ‘Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.’

    The room fell silent.

  • Next Time You’re in a Car

    Next time you are in a car with a friend, and you pull up to a red light, look at the guy in the car next to you. Roll down your window really fast (like you want to talk to him), and when the guy rolls HIS window down, look at him and yell:

    "Oh, did you fart, too?"