Tag: Lesson

  • 3 Minute Management Course Training for 2008

    Welcome to 3 Minute Management Course training for 2008
     
    Lesson 1

    A man is getting into the shower as his wife is getting out, when the doorbell rings. She quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
    She opens the door to Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, she drops it and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. Wrapping herself in the towel, as she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks: "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour" she replies.
    "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

    Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders (and Management team), in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure

    Lesson 2

    A priest offered a Nun a lift. As she sat in the car, she could not help but reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" He removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?".
    The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak". Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
    On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

    Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

    Lesson 3

    A sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie pops out.
    The Genie says, "I’ll give each of you just one wish".
    "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world". Puff! She’s gone.
    "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life". Puff! He’s gone.
    "OK, you’re up", the Genie says to the manager.
    The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch".

    Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

    Lesson 4

    An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?".
    The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

    Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

    Lesson 5

    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven’t got the energy."
    Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull, "They’re packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

    Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

  • Your 5 Corporate Lessons for Today

    Lesson 1: Share critical information pertaining to Credit and Risk

    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on" After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in a timely fashion with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

    Corporate Lesson 2: Always be well informed

    A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek. Further on, you will find glory." Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.

    Corporate Lesson 3: Respect leadership hierarchy wisely

    A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speed boat, without a care in the world.." Poof! She’s gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He’s gone. "OK, you’re up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

    Corporate Lesson 4: Know your position in the corporate structure

    A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

    Corporate Lesson 5: Advancement Strategies

    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy. "Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They’re packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there

  • What in the World is Electricity?

    Today’s scientific question is: What in the world is electricity and where does it go after it leaves the toaster?

    Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical lesson: On a cool dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your hand into a friend’s mouth and touch one of his dental fillings. Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain? This teaches one that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important lesson about electricity.

    It also illustrates how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons", which are very small objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpet so that they will attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friend’s filling, then travel down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit.

    AMAZING ELECTRONIC FACT: If you scuffed your feet long enough without touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger would explode! But this is nothing to worry about unless you have carpeting.

    Although we modern persons tend to take our electric lights, radios, mixers, etc. for granted, hundreds of years ago people did not have any of these things, which is just as well because there was no place to plug them in. Then along came the first Electrical Pioneer, Benjamin Franklin, who flew a kite in a lightning storm and received a serious electrical shock. This proved that lightning was powered by the same force as carpets, but it also damaged Franklin’s brain so severely that he started speaking only in incomprehensible maxims, such as, "A penny saved is a penny earned." Eventually he had to be given a job running the post office.

    After Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted many important electrical experiments. Among them, Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current developed and the frog’s leg kicked, even though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway. Galvani’s discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine. Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it hop back into the pond — almost.

    But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison’s first major invention in 1877 was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented. But Edison’s greatest achievement came in 1879 when he invented the electric company. Edison’s design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit: the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again.

    This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught, since very few customers take the time to examine their electricity closely. In fact, the last year any new electricity was generated was 1937.

    Today, thanks to men like Edison and Franklin, and frogs like Galvani’s, we receive almost unlimited benefits from electricity. For example, in the past decade scientists have developed the laser, an electronic appliance so powerful that it can vaporize a bulldozer 2000 yards away, yet so precise that doctors can use it to perform delicate operations to the human eyeball, provided they remember to change the power setting from "Bulldozer" to "Eyeball."

  • Four Worms

    Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

    After one day:

    The first worm, in alcohol—dead.

    Second worm, in cigarette smoke—dead.

    Third worm, in sperm—dead.

    Fourth worm, in soil—alive.

    Lesson: As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won’t get worms.

  • The Petting Zoo

    A family was travelling on vacation when they came across a petting zoo. The children asked if they could stop, and the parents said okay. 

    At the zoo, they saw and touched many animals and had a great time. While driving to their next vacation stop the father noticed the kids playing with something. He asked, "What have you kids got back there?" 

    The children then produced a very cute baby skunk. The father was horrified because he realized that they had taken this skunk from the zoo. To teach his kids a lesson he told them that if they got caught they could go to jail for this. While he was reprimanding his children he hadn’t noticed that he was speeding and had just gone through a speed trap. When the police car came after him he thought that they must have found out about the skunk and that was why they were stopping him. He told the kids to keep quiet and give the skunk to their mother. He then told her to hide the skunk. 

    She said, "Where am I going to hide it?" 

    The father said to put it under her dress and hold it between her legs until the police left. 

    She said, "But it stinks!" 

    The father replied, "Well, can’t you just hold his little nose?"