The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: North America

  • Teacher

    TEACHER: Why are you late?
    STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
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    TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
    MARIA: Here it is.
    TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
    CLASS: Maria.
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    TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
    JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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    TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
    GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
    TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
    GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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    TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
    DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
    TEACHER: What are you talking about?
    DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
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    TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
    WINNIE: Me!
    (Love it!!!)
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    TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
    GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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    TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I ‘
    MILLIE: I is..
    TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
    MILLIE: OK… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
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    TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
    LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand…..
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    TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
    SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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    TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
    CLYDE: No, sir. It’s the same dog.
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    TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
    HAROLD: A teacher.
    __________________________________

  • The Actual Creation

    Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him on the seventh day, having a rest. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

    God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael! Look what I have made."

    Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

    "It’s a planet", replied God, "and I’ve put LIFE on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance."

    "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

    God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people." God continued, pointing to different countries. "And over there, I call this place America. North America will be rich, powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America which is a hot spot. Can you see the balance?"

    "Yes" said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a large land mass and asked, "What’s that one?"

    "Ah" said God, "That’s Australia, the most glorious place on Earth! There are beautiful mountains, rainforests, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast line. The people are good looking, intelligent and humorous and they’re going to be found travelling the world. They’ll be extremely sociable, hard-working, and high- achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I’m also going to give them super-human, undefeatable cricket and rugby players, who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

    Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then declared, "But you said there will be BALANCE!?"

    God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the ugly, whining, sheep shagging, Kiwi’s I’m putting next to them."