The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: OKAY

  • The Virgin

    The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

    "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

    And then they made love for the first time.

    Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

    Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

    Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

    After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

    The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.

    Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

    She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

    Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY!"

  • Joe and the Dishes

    Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn’t have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a ‘for sale’ sign on it.
     
    The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
     
    He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
     
    ‘Well, it’s quite simple, really,’ says the seller, ‘whenever the bike is outside and it’s gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.’
     
    And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
     
    That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
     
    But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, ‘I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.’
     
    ‘When we eat dinner, we don’t talk. In fact, the first person to say anything at all during the meal has to do the dishes.’
     
    ‘No problem,’ he says. And in they go.
     
    Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
     
    In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
     
    They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
     
    As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
     
    So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
     
    No one says a word.
     
    So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
     
    Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.

    His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
     
    He looks at her mom..
     
    ‘She’s got a great body,’ he thinks.

    So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her panties, and screws her every which way right there on the dinner table.. After she has a big orgasm, he sits down again.
     
    Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, the Mom is pleasantly beaming.

    But still, Total silence.
     
    All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to pour rain.
     
    Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket…
     
    Suddenly the father shouted….

    ‘Okay, OKAY!!! I’ll do the fucking dishes!!!

  • What Women Want

    Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

    The question?….What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.

    He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

    Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

    But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

    The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

    The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend!

    Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewerage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

    He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

    He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.

    Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur’s question thus:

    What a woman really wants, she answered….is to be in charge of her own life.

    Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared.

    And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

    The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen, lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

    The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

    Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day….or night?

    Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments?

    What would YOU do?

    What Lancelot chose is below. BUT….make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

    Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

    Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. Now….what is the moral to this story?

    The moral is….. If you don’t let a woman have her own way….things are going to get ugly.

  • The Dishes

    Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it’s missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

    Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don’t say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven’t done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

    Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

    A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.

    All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I’LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES!!"