The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: PMS

  • Very Punny

    • How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
    • Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
    • A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
    • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
    • Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
    • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
    • I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
    • They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
    • I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
    • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
    • I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
    • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
    • This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
    • When chemists die, they barium.
    • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
    • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
    • PMS jokes aren’t funny; period…
    • Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
    • We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
    • I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
    • Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
    • When you get a bladder infection. urine trouble.
    • Broken pencils are pointless.
    • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
    • I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
    • All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
    • I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
    • Velcro – what a rip off!

  • Punographics

    When chemists die, they barium.

    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

    I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

    How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

    This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

    I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

    I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

    They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

    PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.

    Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

    We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

    I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

    When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

    Broken pencils are pointless.

    I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

    I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

    I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

    All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

    I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

    Velcro — what a rip off!

    A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy

    Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

    The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government’s fault.

    Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

  • Little Golden Books That Didn’t Make It

    1. You Are Different And That’s Bad
    2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
    3. Dad’s New Wife Robert
    4. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
    5. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
    6. All Cats Go To Hell
    7. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
    8. Some Kittens Can Fly
    9. That’s It, I’m Putting You Up For Adoption
    10. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
    11. Strangers Have The Best Candy
    12. You Were an Accident
    13. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
    14. Pop! Goes the Hamster… And Other Microwave Games
    15. The Man In The Moon Is Actually Satan
    16. Your Nightmares Are Real
    17. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
    18. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
    19. Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
    20. Why is PMS named PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

  • How Many Women with PMS Does it Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?

    One.

    ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?

    Because no-one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb, that’s why.

    They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS! Before they figured it OUT!. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.

    But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!!!AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS……..