The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: POOF

  • The Muscular Man

    A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

    The bartender can’t help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange.

    The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, "You know, I’m not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?"
    The big guy nods slowly. He’s obviously fielded this question many times. "One day," he begins, "I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream."

    "No shit?" says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued. "Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes."

    "Keep going!"

    I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.

    She said, "You now have three wishes."

    I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger."

    She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

    She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"

    "What next?" begged the bartender.

    I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!

    Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"

    I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"

  • The Frog in the Trap

    Three women were out golfing one day and one of them hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

    The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes – that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

    The woman said, "That would be okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

    The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, *POOF*, she’s the most beautiful woman in the world!

    For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

    The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."

    So, *POOF*, she’s the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish and she answered, "I’d like a mild heart attack."

  • The Jewish Genie

    Better late than never… An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He’s crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers that he has a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie.

    But this is no ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Chasidic rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

    "I’m not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I’m not going to trust a Jewish genie!"

    "What do you have to lose? It looks like you’re a goner anyway!"

    The Arab thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."

    ***POOF***

    The Arab finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

    "OK, kid, what’s your second wish."

    "My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

    ***POOF***

    The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

    "OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

    After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says: "I wish I were white and surrounded by beautiful women."

    ***POOF***

    The Arab is turned into a tampon.

    The moral of the story is: If you do business with a Jewish genie, there’s going to be a string attached.