A guy walks into a pet store looking for a gift for his wife’s birthday. He looks all over and decides to leave when a voice in the back says, "Hey Buddy-C’mere!"
The man walks to the rear of the store and there sits a huge African parrot. About that time the manager walks over. The bird says, "Why don’t you buy me?"
The guy asks how much and the manager explains that the parrot had belonged to a University Professor and that he spoke and understood 7 languages. Then told the customer that the parrot was $4000. The guy started to purchase the bird when the manager said, "Uh, there is one thing about this bird that I should tell you. The parrot doesn’t have any legs."
Laughing, the guy said, "Ok, then how does he stand up on the perch?"
The manager lifted the parrots feathers and showed that the parrot wrapped his penis around the perch and balanced.
"That’s pretty amazing," said the customer. "I want it anyway."
He took it home and gave it to the delighted wife. Six weeks pass. One Sunday afternoon, the guy is sitting on the couch and the parrot says, "Hey Buddy!" The guy walks over to the cage.
"Yes?"
"There’s something going on here you should know about."
"Like what?"
"Well," said the parrot, "each day when you go to work, someone different knocks on the door and your wife greets them in her nightgown!"
"WHAT?" exclaimed the guy!
"Next, the man holds your wife’s hand and brings her over here to the couch-RIGHT UNDER MY CAGE-and starts to remove her nightgown!", screams the parrot.
"Oh my God-what happens next," shouts the guy!
"Well, he rips off her panties and she rips off his shirt-and they really start going at it-RIGHT HERE ON THE COUCH-RIGHT UNDER MY CAGE!", replies the parrot.
"Holy Smokes", yells the guy. "What happens NEXT?"
"I DUNNO BUDDY! I FELL OFF THE FREAKING PERCH!"
Tag: RIGHT
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The African Parrot
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The Sisters of Mercy
A man was driving down a deserted highway when he noticed a sign that read: "SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION — 10 MILES."
Thinking it was a figment of his imagination, he drove on. Soon, he saw another sign which said: "SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION — 5 MILES."
Realizing these signs were for real, he drove on, and sure enough, there was a third: "SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION — NEXT RIGHT."
His curiosity got the best of him, and he pulled into the driveway. On the far side of the parking lot was a sombre, stone building with a sign on the door that read: "SISTERS OF MERCY."
He climbed the steps, rang the bell, and the door was answered by a nun in a long black habit. She smiled and asked, "What may we do for you, my son?"
"I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing some business."
"Very well, my son. Please follow me," said the nun. He was led through many winding passages, and soon he was very disoriented. The nun stopped at a closed door and told the man, "Please, knock on this door," and left.
The man did as he was told, and this door was opened by another nun in a long, black habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructed him: "Please place $50.00 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway."
He placed the money in this nun’s tin cup. He ran eagerly down the hallway, and slipped through the door, pulling it shut. As the door locked behind him, he found himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign: "Go in peace. You have just been screwed by the Sisters of Mercy."
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On a Plane
A man boards an airplane, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realises she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?"
She turns and smiles, and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention, in Chicago."
He swallows hard, and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here’s the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him, and she’s going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what’s your role at this convention?"
She flips her hair back, turns to him, locks onto his eyes and says, "Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really" he says, swallowing hard. "And what myths are those?"
She explains, "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who romance women best, on average."
"Very interesting," the man responds.
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. "I’m sorry," she says, "I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don’t even know your name."
The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto… Tonto Goldstein."