The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: Saint Peter

  • Two Guys Wearing Hoodies

    Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two guys wearing hoodies arrived. St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said "Wait here. I will be right back."

    St. Peter goes over to God’s chambers and carefully describes the two men waiting for entrance.

    God says to Peter: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can’t be racist and judgemental here. This is heaven.  All are loved.  All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"

    St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God’s chambers and says, "Well, they’re gone."

    "The guys wearing hoodies?" asked God.

    "No. The Pearly Gates."

  • Jesus’ Golf Shot

    Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. "Are you gonna play golf?" he asks "Or are you just gonna fuck around?"