The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: Shit Happens

  • The Most Functional Of English Words

    Well, it’s shit… that’s right, "Shit"!

    Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

    Consider:

    You can get shit-faced, Be shit-out- of-luck, Or have shit for brains.

    With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit, or be asked to shit or get off the pot.

    You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.

    Some people know their shit, while others can’t tell the difference between shit and shineola.

    There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.

    You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

    You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

    You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

    Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

    Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

    You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

    You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

    Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

    When you stop to consider all the facts, it’s the basic building block of the English language.

    And remember, once you know your shit, you don’t need to know anything else!!

    You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don’t give a shit!

    Well, Shit, it’s time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit.  But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head…

    Well, Shit Happens!!!

  • In the Beginning Was The Plan

    In the beginning was the Plan.

    And then came the Assumptions.

    And the Assumptions were without form.

    And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.

    And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."

    And the workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odour thereof."

    And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

    And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertiliser, and none may abide its strength."

    And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."

    And the Directors then went onto the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "It promotes growth and is very powerful."

    And the Vice Presidents went unto the President, saying unto him, "This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigour of the company; with powerful effects."

    And the President looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good.

    And the Plan became Policy. 

    This is How Shit Happens.