The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: SHIT

  • Big-People Words

    A group of children were trying very hard to become accustomed to Nursery school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
    You need to use ‘Big People’ words, she was always reminding them.

    She asked John what he had done over the weekend?
    ‘I went to visit my Nana’.
    No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.
    Use ‘Big People’ words!’

    She then asked Mitchell what he had done
    ‘I took a ride on a choo-choo’.
    She said, ‘No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.
    You must remember to use ‘Big People’ words’.

    She then asked little Alex what he had done?
    ‘I read a book’ he replied.
    That’s WONDERFUL!’ the teacher said.
    ‘What book did you read?’
    Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, ‘Winnie the SHIT’.

  • The Amazing Claude

    It was "entertainment night" at the Seniors Center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It’s a very special watch. It’s been in my family for six generations."

    He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting.

    "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch".

    The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

    Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the Hypnotist’s fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred tiny pieces. "SHIT!", yelled the Hypnotist.

    And so it took three days to clean up that Seniors Center.