A Grayish-White Powder

1-XII-08

When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide-screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch. What they did take, however, was 'a white cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder.' (That's the way the police report described it.)

A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said, 'It looked similar to high-grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time.'

Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: 'Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago.'

The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there, too. About half of Gertrude's ashes remained.

Scotch-taped to the box was this note: 'Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry that we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day.'