The Monday Morning Mirth

Tag: Chicken

  • Torture at Guantanamo Bay

    Today the CIA admitted it was responsible for the recent accusations of torture at Guantanamo Bay.

    Billy Bob Johnson, the chief station manager at the Guantanamo Bay prison said that the United States of America had to hold its hands up and admit that it had allowed its CIA operatives to feed the prisoners nothing but McDonalds and Kentucky Fried Chicken meals whilst forcing them to listen to Christian Rock Music for up to 20 hour periods at a time without any break.

    The CIA apologised for the allegations and promised to review its policy of using fast food and Christian Rock Music as a method of torture.

  • Fried Chicken

    Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, everyone else in the class laughed. My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

    Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

    The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she’d asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

    I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

    I told her, "Colonel Sanders".

    Guess where I am now?

  • A Man Watching TV

    A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife’s
    voice from the kitchen.

    "What would you like for dinner, love?  Chicken, beef or lamb?"

    He said, "I’d love chicken, thank you."

    She replied, "Screw you. You’re having soup.. I was talking to the cat."

  • Mexican Words of the Day

    Mexican words of the day

    1. *Cheese*
    The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence.
    Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but cheese fat.

    2. *Mushroom*
    When all my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom.

    3. *Shoulder*
    My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I
    shoulder.

    4. * Texas *
    My fren always Texas me when I’m not home wondering where I’m at!

    5. *Herpes*
    Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

    6. *July*
    Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!

    7. *Rectum*
    I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

    8. *Chicken*
    I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

    9. *Wheelchair*
    We only have one enchilada left, but don’t worry wheelchair

    10. *Chicken* *wing*
    My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.

    11. *Harassment*
    My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey
    harassment nothing to me.

    12. *Bishop*
    My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.

    13. *Body wash*
    I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.

    14. *Budweiser*
    That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?

  • The Young Chinese Couple

    A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin also, but she doesn’t know that.

    On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.

    ‘My darring,’ he whispers, ‘I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten.

    I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want.

    You juss ask. Whatchu want?’ he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

    A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.

    She eventually shyly whispers back, ‘I wanna try someting I hear about from the other girls… it called "NUMBAH 69!!".’

    More thoughtful silence, this time from him.

    Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her… ‘You want… a Garlic Chicken wif corrifrowa??’

  • The Chinese Restaurant

    A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

    The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

    "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hasn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot.

    He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

    Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

    "Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"

    The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

    "Ah… so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck!"

  • The Chicken and the Horse

    On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, who loved to play together.

    One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

    Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

    Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.

    Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

    Running around, the chicken spied the farmer’s new Harley.

    Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend’s life.

    Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

    After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer’s bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

    Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

    The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

    A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

    The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

    Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit.

    The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

    The moral of the story?

    "When You’re Hung Like A Horse, You Don’t Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!"

  • 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army

    Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn’t allowed to do. He collected those things into a hilarious list and posted them to the web.

    1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I’m supposed to be working.
    2. My proper military title is ‘Specialist Schwarz’ not ‘Princess Anastasia’.
    3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
    4. Not allowed to challenge anyone’s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
    5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
    6. Not allowed to play ‘Pulp Fiction’ with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
    7. Not allowed to add ‘In accordance with the prophesy’ to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
    8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters.
    9. Not allowed to title any product ‘Get Over it’.
    10. Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on Government time.
    11. Not allowed to join the communist party.
    12. Not allowed to join any militia.
    13. Not allowed to form any militia.
    14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
    15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to ‘Sic Brass!’
    16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my ‘Sampson like powers’.
    17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
    18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous ‘Barbie Girl Dance’ while on duty.
    19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.
    20. Must not taunt the French any more.
    21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
    22. Must never call an SAS a ‘Wanker’.
    23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking crack.
    24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.
    25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
    26. Never tell a German soldier that ‘We kicked your ass in World War 2!’
    27. Don’t tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
    28. Don’t take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
    29. The Irish MPs are not after ‘Me frosted lucky charms’.
    30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
    31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
    32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
    33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
    34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
    35. Not allowed to sing ‘High Speed Dirt’ by Megadeth during airborne operations. (‘See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I’m off to meet my maker’)
    36. Can’t have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn’t over).
    37. Our medic is called ‘Sgt Larwasa’, not ‘Dr. Feelgood’.
    38. Our supply Sgt is ‘Sgt Watkins’ not ‘Sugar Daddy’.
    39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
    40. I do not have super-powers.
    41. ‘Keep on Trucking’ is *not* a psychological warfare message.
    42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind’s baser instincts in recruitment posters.
    43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
    44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
    45. I am not allowed to ‘Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddies little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies’.
    46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
    47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
    48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
    49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for ‘magic beans’.
    50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
    51. Not allowed to quote ‘Dr Seuss’ on military operations.
    52. Not allowed to yell ‘Take that Cobra’ at the rifle range.
    53. Not allowed to quote ‘Full Metal Jacket ‘ at the rifle range.
    54. ‘Napalm sticks to kids’ is *not* a motivational phrase.
    55. An order to ‘Put Kiwi on my boots’ does *not* involve fruit.
    56. An order to ‘Make my Boots black and shiny’ does not involve electrical tape.
    57. The proper response to a lawful order is not ‘Why?’
    58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we’ve all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
    59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.
    60. ‘The Giant Space Ants’ are not at the top of my chain of command.
    61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean ‘I have been promoted three more times than you’.
    62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.
    63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.
    64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.
    65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
    66. There is no ‘Anti-Mime’ campaign in Bosnia.
    67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.
    68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to ‘Block out the space mind control lasers’.
    69. May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper, while on duty.
    70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.
    71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.
    72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
    73. No military functions are to be performed ‘Skyclad’.
    74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.
    75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.
    76. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.
    77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don’t need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
    78. I may not call block my chain of command.
    79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
    80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
    81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.
    82. May not form any press gangs.
    83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about…."
    84. Must not use military vehicles to ‘Squish’ things.
    85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.
    86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the ‘field of honor’.
    87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
    88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as ‘Mom’.
    89. Must not refer to the Commander as ‘Dad’.
    90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.
    91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
    92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony ‘Romper Bomper Stomper Boo’ is probably not appropriate.
    93. Nerve gas is not funny.
    94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.
    95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
    96. ‘Redneck Zombies’ is not a military training aid.
    97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.
    98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not ‘Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.’
    99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
    100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
    101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
    102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".
    103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
    104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a ‘Cool Mint’ Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
    105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.
    106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.
    107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.
    108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.
    109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
    110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.
    111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.
    112. When saluting a ‘leg’ officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh…sorry sir".
    113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from ‘Full Monty’ every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff".
    114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
    115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.
    116. Crucifying mice – bad idea.
    117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.
    118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires – therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.
    119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
    120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.
    121. I should not use government resources to ‘waterproof’ dirty magazines.
    122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.
    123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
    124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.
    125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.
    126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.
    127. ‘No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages’ does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.
    128. "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.
    129. The Microsoft ® ‘Dancing Paperclip’ is not authorized to countermand any orders.
    130. ‘I’m drunk’ is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.
    131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.
    132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.
    133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.
    134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.
    135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.
    136. Shouting ‘Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole fucking village!’ while out on a mission is bad.
    137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
    138. Even if my commander did it.
    139. Must not teach interpreters how to make "MRE" bombs.
    140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.
    141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove ‘The Pen is Mightier than the sword’.
    142. ‘Calvin-Ball’ is not authorized PT.
    143. I do not need to keep a ‘range card’ by my window.
    144. ‘K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free’ is not an authorized uniform.
    145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
    146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.
    147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.
    148. Putting red ‘Mike and Ike’s’ ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
    149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.
    150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.
    151. The proper way to report to my Commander is ‘Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir’ not ‘You can’t prove a thing!’
    152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries.
    153. I should not assign new privates to ‘guard the flight line’.
    154. Shouldn’t treat ‘piss-bottles’ with extra-strength icy hot.
    155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.
    156. I will no longer perform ‘lap-dances’ while in uniform.
    157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.
    158. The revolution is not now.
    159. When detained by MP’s, I do not have a right to a strip search.
    160. No part of the military uniform is edible.
    161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
    162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
    163. Take that hat off.
    164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
    165. I do not get ‘that time of month’.
    166. No, the pants are not optional.
    167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.
    168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
    169. Not even if they *are* ‘especially patriotic films’
    170. Not allowed to ‘defect’ to OPFOR during training missions.
    171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General’s helicopter.
    172. ‘A full magazine and some privacy’ is not the way to help a potential suicide.
    173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
    174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it’s actually DOD policy).
    175. We do not ‘charge into battle, naked, like the Celts’.
    176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.
    177. I am not to refer to a formation as ‘the boxy rectangle thingie’.
    178. I am not ‘A lesbian trapped in a man’s body’.
    179. On Army documents, my race is not ‘Other’.
    180. Nor is it ‘Secretariat, in the third’.
    181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
    182. There is no FM for ‘wall-to-wall counseling’.
    183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®
    184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something ‘I saw in a cartoon’.
    185. My name is not a killing word.
    186. I am not the Emperor of anything.
    187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
    188. May not challenge officers to ‘Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn’.
    189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.
    190. Must not make s’mores while on guard duty.
    191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
    192. The proper response to a briefing is not ‘That’s what you think’.
    193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.
    194. Shouldn’t take incriminating photos of my chain of command.
    195. Shouldn’t use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.
    196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.
    197. I am not allowed to sing ‘Henry the VIII I am’ until verse 68 ever again.
    198. Not allowed to lead a ‘Coup’ during training missions.
    199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
    200. My chain of command is not interested in why I ‘just happen’ to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.
    201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
    202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
    203. ‘To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.
    204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."
    205. Don’t write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
    206. Not allowed to get shot.
    207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)
    208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civlians who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.
    209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism…this was the same dinner.)
    210. Must not make T-shirts up depciting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
    211. Don’t ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.
    212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don’t have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.
    213. Do not convince NCO’s that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.

  • Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road

    JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That’s what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.

    PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent,hardworking American. 

    Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

    ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

    MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

    GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

    ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

    RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

    CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

    FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

    FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

    BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

    EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

    THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

    COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

  • Gonna Catch Some Chickens

    An old man was sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbour’s kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" 
    Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." 
    Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" 
    Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." 
    Old man yells "You damn fool, you can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!" 
    Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man’s surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. 
    Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" 
    Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." 
    Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" 
    Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." 
    Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can’t catch ducks with duck tape!" 
    Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man’s amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. 
    Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" 
    Boy says "It’s a pussy willow. 
    Old man says "Wait up…. I’ll get my hat."